That Battered Sonata Score
by candiedwebs
Summary: Nodame is a kindergarten teacher and Chiaki doesn't seem to care
1. Chapter 1

As one fingertip danced lightly across the keys yellowed with age, Nodame looked out at her audience. Faces belonging to those as young as three years old looked back at her; enamoured with her rendition of Beethoven's piano sonata.

With a small smile, she turned back to her beloved piano, mouth falling back into its usual pout. Only when the final note reverberated through the air, and the quiet collapsed into an explosion of noise that only young children are capable of, did Nodame step away from the piano.

Yet, if one were to pay close attention, one would notice that her hands never strayed far from the elegant curve of the glossy black oak, even as she ushered the children out for their parents to pick them up. It was almost as if her hands had minds of their own, and were as enamoured with the instrument as the kids were with her just moments before.

Nodame tilted her face to greet the last golden rays of the evening filtering through the curtains, and let her gaze drop to rest lightly on the battered copy of the sonata score. For a brief moment, the strains of a time past trickled into her mind, the faint echoes of a first duet together.

Ah, but it always led back to him, didn't it? Years after Nodame had run away from her old life into her lifelong dream of becoming a kindergarten teacher, she still found her thoughts drifting back to him every now and then. He had no way of contacting her. How could he? When she made sure to cover her tracks so carefully. It was almost as if she had vanished so cleanly, she never left a speck of dust on his life. That was good, wasn't it? Chiaki senpai never did like leaving a speck of anything on his things after all.

How odd was it that even though she was the one who sped away, abandoned him before he could abandon her, he was the one who occupied her thoughts all the time? Every mention of him in the news, every little review of his latest performance, she read them all. Kept them tucked away safely in a corner of her mind so that she could pull them out once everyone had gone back, for a private viewing of the life that she had left behind.

 _He looks like he's doing well_ , she would tell herself. By god he sure did. Absolutely no signs of him ever missing her, ever missing the playful melodies she created; whole new worlds from pieces in ways that he had never before comprehended. She knew that he had drawn inspiration from her music, but that was all it was, she told herself. If anything, he would miss the fodder she provided for his creativity, and not her.

A finger sank into the keyboard and a muted note eased into the air tentatively, mirroring her emotions. Perhaps, just perhaps, if she decided to leave a note with someone to bring to him, maybe he would come look for her?

It was a thought that she had entertained every day for four years, ever since the day that she had vanished. Yet, she never let it go further for fear of caving. How satisfying would it be to see him flying down the front yard and bursting into the room? How would it feel for him to scoop her into his arms and lead her out and down the steps, while the children shrieked with ecstasy about a prince here to spirit her away? How would all of that feel when she remembered that he was now betrothed to Son Rui and would never do anything, never even actually lift a finger because now he would be able to find a worthy muse in his new love?

That hurt the most. Not the marriage proposal, but the muse. _She_ had been his muse, his one and only, and now that had been taken from her.

Nodame sat down at the piano and coaxed a wane melody from the instrument. She wanted so hard to believe that every car that puttered down the street outside would screech to a stop, wanted to believe that she'd hear her name called out in that same rough way that would bring her heart to a stop.

Instead, she glanced around the room at the things that surrounded her. Block toys, colouring books and teddy bears with smug smiles lay scattered around on the ground. If this were a picture, one look would be enough to tell others about her profession. Kindergarten teacher, it screamed.

So if she had already achieved her lifelong goal of becoming a kindergarten teacher, she wondered, why did it feel like the dream was the one that she had left behind?


	2. Chapter 2

It was in the quiver of his baton in the air that he thought of her. It was in the trailing notes of the piano that he saw her from the corner of his eyes, and also in the polished brass of the silver instruments that he thought he could make out her silhouette. Everywhere he went, she haunted him.

Chiaki never knew how to stop her from occupying his mind, so he stopped trying to stop it after a while. Every time Son Rui looked at him with a little tilt of her head and a question in her smile he would merely shake his head and continue with his work.

Now, his engagement with Son Rui. That was a tricky one. Everyone close to him knew the engagement as a gimmick meant for publicity, thrown together by Elize and Son Rui's mother. It worked, and that the media lapped it up. Every performance together, they would be called the golden couple. Classical music reporters gushed at their every action, at each and every photo taken of the pair.

Chiaki found it strange that they would call them the golden pair when they were worlds apart, oceans and rivers and mountains and seas jammed into the space between them. Their hands resting on the keyboard, barely apart, but their minds halfway across the world from each other.

At first, he had objected terribly to the idea of an engagement. This was when Nodame had barely disappeared from his life. Six months after she had walked out his door and never returned, not even leaving a note, he had worried that the news would keep her away.

Then months turned into years, and not a word from her was heard, and the worry turned into boiling rage. Well if she didn't seem to give a shit about him then he wouldn't give a fuck about her either. It would be that simple. So one night after a drink too many he called Elize and accepted the offer. Let the news explode onto the scene, he thought. Let it reach her and slap her across the face, one article for every moment that she let him love her.

As even more years dragged past, the rage simmered down and turned stale. It left a bitter taste in his mouth that there was no reaction from her end. What did he expect? With no way to contact her, he would never know even if she did care.

And so, he found solace in solitude. Son Rui was always there of course, just that he didn't give a rat's ass about her. She knew from the beginning that he didn't care about her, never would care for her the way he had for Nodame. Chiaki knew that Son Rui viewed it as a marriage for mutual benefits, a political move on the part of the giants in the music industry.

Even now, after having been married for years, they knew each other no better than they had back when they first met. Back when Nodame was _there_.

Chiaki refused to wear his ring, and told the press that he kept it in the safe because he was too afraid of losing it, when in actual fact he had dropped it down a drain the night after the ceremony. He and Son Rui had smiled for the cameras and even exchanged kisses, but the moment they got behind closed doors they retreated into separate rooms. Perhaps you could say they had become even more of strangers now than in their college days.

Chiaki wished he could say that he was done with waiting. Wished that he could just wipe all memories and longing for her from his head and heart, and start over with a clean slate. Yet he found himself still searching for her sound in his mind. No one's music had moved him as much as hers had, and the whispers that he heard in his dreams were just that – mere echoes.

As time went by Chiaki found that he no longer completely remembered her face. It had been 10 years since she had disappeared, and he lamented not taking pictures with her. In his memories, the curve of her cheekbone melted into an imagined jawline, before fleshing out into the memory of her chin. There were bits and pieces missing, but he held on to whatever he could remember with the determination of a drowning man to a floating log.

Now, if more than anything, so adored by so many yet so alone, Chiaki needed her more than ever to ground him. But all he had left were memories of times gone by and a relationship that he should have done more to save.


	3. Chapter 3

"Chiaki!"

Chiaki's eyebrow twitched in frustration. With so many deadlines looming up in the near future, he really didn't have the time for banal distractions. Chiaki kept his head down and scratched a note in pencil onto the bound score laid out neatly before him.

"Chiaki!"

 _Chiaki-senpai?_

The lead in Chiaki's pencil snapped against the score, and Chiaki stared blankly at the mark against the white pulp. There it was again – the not quite right tone of a tinny memory bouncing around in his brain.

It was happening less and less often these days. Sometimes there wasn't a face to join the voice to. He told himself that he was glad that he was beginning to forget her but at the same time the relief that he felt every time he heard not-Nodame's voice was palpable.

"What," he deadpanned, not looking up as he rubbed away at the smudge with his thumb and a bit of saliva. Not good, it seemed to blacken the paper even more instead.

"Get a load of this," Rui tutted, throwing down a stack of papers all over his desk.

In big bold letters, headlines denounced Chiaki's recent performance with Son Rui at Carnegie Hall. Choice words such as "dismal" and "lacking" jumped out at him and Chiaki felt that muscle in his eyebrow start jumping again.

"Look, I don't care if you want to continue to let yourself spiral down. Just don't drag me into it." Rui snatched the papers back up from the table and rolled them up into a tight spiral. "You may not care about your reputation but I care about mine. It's all I've got."

Chiaki stayed silent as Rui stalked out of the room. He didn't blame her for acting like this. He couldn't expect Rui to stay the same warm, obliging person that she was in the past, not when he was the one who made it clear that this would be a loveless marriage. Sometimes he wondered whether he had made the right choice, drawing the line like that. Perhaps it would have done him good to allow himself to fall in love the way Rui had with him in the past.

It was too late for regrets now though, that ship had sailed and their relationship became more of something to endure.

Chiaki turned his gaze back to where the ink from the newspapers had left a smudge on his score – he really ought to just toss it out and take notes on a fresh one.

It's not like he wanted his reputation to go downhill, either. He had enjoyed a pleasant decade rubbing elbows with only the best in the business, thanks to hours of hard work and innate talent. Being the disciple of two capable conductors didn't hurt either. All good things come to an end, though, and Chiaki found himself falling out of the good graces of the public when he paused in the middle of a high profile performance four years ago in Austria.

' _It's a pink Mozart.'_

He had thought. In the middle of a movement, nonetheless. It sent him off kilter and his orchestra had noticed. The audience had noticed. The world had noticed. He received scathing reviews for that slip-up and things had only gotten worse since.

The recent concert with Son Rui was a publicity move on Elise's part, in a desperate attempt to revive his glory days. He had managed to have a few successful performances prior to that, but they did not help with his fame. The critics were hungry to take someone down, and he had become their target. Who better than the stoic half of the golden pair? They were practically salivating when Chiaki missed out a whole bar in his conducting. _A whole bar!_

"I'm really losing my touch, eh?" Chiaki stared angrily at his desk.

Fourteen years. Fourteen years since she had disappeared. So why did memories of her start surfacing after ten years? Those fourteen years apart might as well have never happened because even after being apart for so long, she still managed to drag him down.

She's always dragged him down. Back in school, she followed him everywhere and made a nuisance of herself. In Europe, she didn't know what she wanted and couldn't follow the path that he had dreamed for her. She just wasn't strong enough, and now he's the one paying the price.

 _Ah, you're so selfish senpai. Even after all these years you haven't changed._

"Shut up!"

Sheets and sheets of music rained down around the room, settling at his feet. Not-Nodame's voice and light footsteps danced around in the air surrounding him, taunting him. Always taunting.

Mine worried the wrinkled edges of the contract between his fingers. He no longer wore gloves like he used to, and his once wild hair was now tamed into a clean cut. Chiaki had been surprised to see him when he had first shown up with his new look. Of course Mine would never have changed his style so willingly, but times were tough and he had to trade up his violin for a suit and briefcase when his father lost the family restaurant to the bank.

I just thought it was time for a change, Mine had grinned when Chiaki asked why, but Chiaki knew better and respected the other for his maturity.

Now, Mine sat in a cosy armchair, reclining in a suit that was worn at the knees and elbows.

"Will you be signing the contract?" He asked, leafing through the thick document and chancing a glance at the brunette sitting a few feet away from him. "If you do it means that you can get out of here, you know."

Nodame tugged at the long sleeves of her sweater and shrugged. "This is my home now. What else can Nodame do."

"You know exactly what you're capable of."

"That life is over, Mine." Nodame fit her right thumbnail between her teeth. A habit she picked up over the years from the kids she hung around with so often. "Nodame is a kindergarten teacher now."

"What about your dreams?"

"Nodame's dream was to be a kindergarten teacher! Nodame _is_ living the dream!"

"Then why do you look so miserable?" Mine jumped out of his chair to face Nodame and waved the contract in her face. "Look, just sign it and get out of here, okay? I've seen you over the past few years and I can tell that you're _dying_ to perform. Chiaki-senpai isn't here this time he can't be cold to you and expect too much from you so what are you scared of?"

Right as he said it, Mine knew that he had gone too far. Nodame had flinched at the mention of Chiaki's name and now her gazed was fixed solidly on the building blocks in a corner of the classroom.

"I'm sorry," he turned away quietly and put the pile of papers on the table. "Just… think about it, okay? It's not everyday that someone this amazing asks you to become their student."

It killed him to see his friends slowly rotting away in prisons of their own making. Mine shuffled dejectedly out of the room and shut the door behind him.

"Everyone says that senpai is a cold person but Nodame doesn't think so. Nodame thinks that senpai feels cold because he's so warm that he's afraid people will steal it away."

Nodame warmed her hands around a cup of tea, and watched the autumn leaves float to the ground. Soon, the red crackling of leaves would give way to the airy crunch of snow. Nodame liked snow. The clean slate it provided made her feel like anything and everything could be forgotten if she tried hard enough. _It's only because I haven't tried hard enough. I could if I really wanted to_ , she carefully told herself.

Nodame knew that she had always been a bad liar.


End file.
